Good divorce?

‘There are such things as good divorces.’

So said Anne Hollonds, of the Benevolent Society, on yesterday’s Drive program with Richard Glover.  Of course, it’s not too hard to work out what she meant.  There are divorces where the two parties aren’t out for vengeance.  Where they aren’t out to hurt each other.  Where they aren’t out to beat each other.  But where the divorce goes through with mutual respect and concern for the welfare of the other, even though the marriage to that other has come to the point of finishing.And at that level, I guess, there’s a sense in which she’s right.

The moment the words were out of her mouth, though, I found myself thinking of God’s words in Malachi 2:16 – ‘I hate divorce’ (NIV).  And it makes sense that God would say this, given everything else we read about him in the Scriptures.  God is a God who makes, and then keeps his promises.  He tells us to do the same.  God is a God who loves even those who do not deserve it.  In fact, this is the very definition of God’s love – not that we loved him, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for sins, so that whoever trusts in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  He tells us to do the same.  God is a God who remains faithful even when his bride, Israel, is faithless, and prostitutes herself to the nations, and to the gods of the nations.  And so as a living example, he tells the prophet Hosea to go and take for himself an adulteress wife, and to love her just as he has loved faithless Israel.  And when the Lord Jesus was asked about the way Moses permitted divorce in certain circumstances, he reminded those who were listening that it was not this way from the beginning, but that God’s intention was for a man to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and the two become one until they are separated by God in death.  Which is what the marriage vows in the Anglican Prayer Book still affirm.

And so, of course, God hates divorce.  It is not the way he works.  It is not the way he wants us to work.  It is not good for us.  But the reality is we live in a world where the effects of sin and selfishness are ever around us.  And this deeply affects even our closest relationships, like marriage.  God’s word testifies to this as much as, if not more than, our experience.

And so divorces will continue to happen.  Especially given the legal ease of such matters in our current setting.  And when they do happen, we should view it as a tragedy.  And as a signpost to the effects of sin in our world, which mean that even a good thing like marriage is utterly beyond us unless God fixes the deep problem of sinful hearts.  And when divorces do take place, the parties involved will need enormous amounts of care and support and love.  And yes, Anne Hollonds is right: when marriages break up, the best outcome is that it will be done without malice or vengeance in the heart.

But there are no such things as good divorces.